Saturday, July 21, 2012

Mercedes Benz

A Benz for all Reasons

Firstly, there is a place in life for everything. 
Even an A-Class diesel!
Not because it’s a diesel and not because it’s a Merc, but in this case just because, it was there at the right time.

One of the advantages of modern cars, not least one like this, is that they are, utterly capable and reliable.  They do what they say on the can, so to speak.
They do most of everything with such a minimum of fuss and drama generally in an oasis of calm and for the most part ruthless efficiency….because they have to by law, right!

And so to take this little diesel as an example;
It looks like a squashed blob for a start.  It is tall yet short.  If it weren’t partly squashed then it would be even taller and still short. However you can’t wash the roof unless you have a step stool or go to a car wash, unless of course you have arms the length of an Orang Utang.

It’s a rather bland magenta red sort of hue, part leather inside it seems, Bluetooth activation, six gears and a steering wheel, which in itself you would think unexciting, but this is no ordinary wheel in that it has as well as an airbag, six cleverly placed buttons.  So then, as many buttons as gears.  Evenly teutonically balanced then!

Getting into it you have to step up, which is great if you have trouble bending.  Driving is utterly straight forwards, speed is achieved respectably and the economy is difficult to fathom unless you use the six buttons to help.
Competent in the extreme, it will cruise at 50, 60, 70, 80or 90 so whatever velocity you choose, each with equal aplomb.

You can park it in ridiculously small spaces, helped in no small part by those sensor things, which light up panels of LED’s to warn of impending bumper rash should you get too close to that car you are trying to park a nano-millimetre from. You have to do that because that’s what the sensors are for right?
So you can not only drive economically but park so.  Thus increasing parking density and so saving space…because that’s the law right.  Like having new houses built with garages that you can’t actually get a usefully sized car in.

All things considered then, and things being approximately equal as they say, not a bad thing all round?
So to summarise;
Its quite fast in a cruise, its quiet, economical I shouldn’t wonder, takes up little space, is easy to drive, see out of, park, and is probably very safe, will seat 5 and will no doubt last for 12 years in good hands if you follow the rules.  As the rules have to be followed.  It’s the law don’t you know!

The question is though; why on earth would you actually want one?
You see, that for all that is good, the exact opposite could also be true.
It engenders no lust, no passion, I have not wanted to clean it, look at it through my bedroom window as it menacingly sits poised to strike, or show it off to anyone.

This brings me back to the step-stool thing.  Who actually owns a step stool and why?
If there is no lust, no desire to polish, no desire to wash it, nor stroke it and no desire to get in it just to drive, like I did with my motorcycle, which as we all know you just go out for a ride on, nowhere in particular just go.  Then you must be dead.

Why I hear you all ask have I got one then?.... Well truth is my lusted car, my pride and joy my SL320 is in for a head gasket replacement…….as is their want.  I have the A Class as a courtesy car.

Well I’m not dead, just waiting for my alter ego to come back.
She’s low, isn’t particularly economical, is not space efficient in any way, can carry 2.5 people only, you cant see out terribly easy unless the roof is off, parking is best done well away from anyone else to make sure that no one bumps her, she makes all the right noises, and is by fluke 12 years old.

Modern technology is fantastic, of that there is no doubt, but when it is used to sanitize and mollycoddle and kill passion to the point that you cant make your own decisions then I think its gone too far.
Of course the model before mine was also less efficient than mine and the one before that was even less again, but what beauty.
Cant for a single moment think that in 2021 when I will apparently be affluent enough to be well retired, that the little A Class I have so maligned above,  will be as coveted nor lusted after as my SL or your SL or Pagoda.
Unless of course you don’t like cars in which case you won’t know what an SL is anyway.

If you have an A class then I’m sorry.  Well almost.
If you have arms the length of an Orang Utang then I am definitely sorry.  I am sure that is against the law too.

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